Post by Administrator on Aug 15, 2018 11:42:12 GMT
THE HANDBAG
The handbag is a rare delight - it’s like Aladdin’s cave,
All sorts of things are hidden there that females like to save,
Basically it`s fat, with nice long shoulder strap,
It’s weighted down with odds and sods and other stuff like that,
But the lady finds just what she wants deep down amongst her treasure,
Of keys and pins and leg hair wax and metric tapes for measure,
The remnants of forgotten ills with aspirins held so dear,
Birth control and other pills with labels quite unclear.
Calorie counters, cotton buds, old lottery tickets too,
Handkerchiefs and white tissues for visiting the loo;
A book of stamps, a tube of glue, letters from I don’t know who,
Horoscopes with personal star, road tax papers for the car.
Perfume loaded by the box, knitting needles, pairs of socks,
Bank statements, counterfoils, sachet samples, body oils,
Tennis balls and eye mascara, postcards from old Connemara
Itineraries for keep fit classes, lipstick and a pair of glasses,
Emery boards, a pot of vic, silver tweezers, half a brick
Screwdriver, spanners, skein of wool, ancient notebook partly full
Bristle brushes for long tresses, photographs and addresses,
Polo mints and a mobile phone just in case for texting home
Cheque book stubs, leather gloves, insect spray for the shrubs
Driving licence, Waitrose card, cuttings from the paper
Favourite verse, loaded purse and a windscreen scraper
Credit cards, safety razor, golden buttons off a blazer.
All these things are lugged around - shuttlecocks as well,
It could be that you need them, you really cannot tell,
So you fellas don’t take the Mick - out of the lady’s handbag
In case of flood you never know it`s handy as a sandbag.
But best of all it is a friend, that’s with them every day
Slung upon the shoulder in a casual way,
And don’t forget it is a club - not of the member kind,
But the bag itself when wielded right could change a muggers mind.
Joe Earl
The handbag is a rare delight - it’s like Aladdin’s cave,
All sorts of things are hidden there that females like to save,
Basically it`s fat, with nice long shoulder strap,
It’s weighted down with odds and sods and other stuff like that,
But the lady finds just what she wants deep down amongst her treasure,
Of keys and pins and leg hair wax and metric tapes for measure,
The remnants of forgotten ills with aspirins held so dear,
Birth control and other pills with labels quite unclear.
Calorie counters, cotton buds, old lottery tickets too,
Handkerchiefs and white tissues for visiting the loo;
A book of stamps, a tube of glue, letters from I don’t know who,
Horoscopes with personal star, road tax papers for the car.
Perfume loaded by the box, knitting needles, pairs of socks,
Bank statements, counterfoils, sachet samples, body oils,
Tennis balls and eye mascara, postcards from old Connemara
Itineraries for keep fit classes, lipstick and a pair of glasses,
Emery boards, a pot of vic, silver tweezers, half a brick
Screwdriver, spanners, skein of wool, ancient notebook partly full
Bristle brushes for long tresses, photographs and addresses,
Polo mints and a mobile phone just in case for texting home
Cheque book stubs, leather gloves, insect spray for the shrubs
Driving licence, Waitrose card, cuttings from the paper
Favourite verse, loaded purse and a windscreen scraper
Credit cards, safety razor, golden buttons off a blazer.
All these things are lugged around - shuttlecocks as well,
It could be that you need them, you really cannot tell,
So you fellas don’t take the Mick - out of the lady’s handbag
In case of flood you never know it`s handy as a sandbag.
But best of all it is a friend, that’s with them every day
Slung upon the shoulder in a casual way,
And don’t forget it is a club - not of the member kind,
But the bag itself when wielded right could change a muggers mind.
Joe Earl